wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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