He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize