Have you finally orgasmed yet?
oh god the rape fog is back!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize