Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
