Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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