My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
