i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
