trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
