So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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