apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
