I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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