Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
