So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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