i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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