i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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