I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
