Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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