i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
