The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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