My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have aggressive nipples.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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