Michael Bay diarrhea
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
