Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
