I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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