Dual....:-)
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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