Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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