Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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