@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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