he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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