Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
