thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
