I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
