you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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