didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
