a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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