i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
