I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
