Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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