He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
