We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
