I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
