hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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