Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
