billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
