some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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