CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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