I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
