everyone is single if you try hard enough
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
