Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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