Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
