Umm I'm too high to move.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
