so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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