And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
