my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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