Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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