I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize