Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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