did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
