I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
