We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
