You're completely useless in the revolution.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Randomize
