I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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