we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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