she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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