I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
