you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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