I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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