I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
