I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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