vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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