i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize