Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize