So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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