There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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