nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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