i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
